Mind Renewal – Day 1

Open with Thankfulness – I’m thankful for the beginning of this journey, for my family, for my friends, for my mind and desire to change and grow. For God’s continued pursuit of me, even when I don’t deserve it.

Step 1 (toxic thoughts floating around) – stop controlling time, be patient with my husband and kids, stop thinking about food all the time, be willing to obey God immediately

Step 2 (zero in – Ask Holy Spirit what He stirs you to work on first) – These seem different but I think they’re connected. I feel like I am doing all things and making all choices from a place of saddness – no energy or drive to choose rightly – longing for comfort above all else – but even what I think is comfort doesn’t feel comfortable.

Step 3 (journal) – I’m living from a place of a broken heart, feeling unloved, lonely, unworthy, unappreciated… Am I doing this to myself by not speaking up? Regardless making all my choices from this place of brokenness is causing me to be irritable, impatient, unloving, tired, unwilling to give my heart and time to my family. My heart is broken from my past and my present and mostly broken because I haven’t followed my own heart but instead have always done what everyone else wants of me – I’ve lost myself in the pursuit to be loved and accepted by other.

Because I feel broken and make all choices from a place of defeat I choose poorly with food because I seek comfort in food and at times, numb my pain with a glass of wine. Because of this brokenness I also try to control everything because my internal world feels so chaotic, I think that if I can grasp one thing and control it i’ll feel better – things will get better – the problem is – each time I grab onto something it and I fall apart – I’m met with failure. I think God is trying to teach me it’s time to stop relying on myself – past time – and to start leaning on and counting on Him. What in the world does that look like? Holy Spirit guide me… I have a hard time with my family needing me for to much because I’m so empty already, that any additional need is more than I can handle. Why do I feel this way, I need to find the root to this problem so I can get it pulled out. I know I’m blessed I can list the things I’m thankful for but my heart is so sad. I also know that when I try to control everything I am missing opportunities to use my gifts – I’m stifling my gifts, pushing down the passions that the Holy Spirit is stirring in me and not seeing the chances that God is giving me to share Him with others.

Step 4 (listening for guidance from Holy Spirit and write down what He stirs in you) – Trust in God. Believe God is who He says He is. Do less. Pursue God as much as you pursue diet and exercise. Know that I am loved and that God is my sustainer of all things – He is my portion. Stop being so strong on your own, humble yourself and allow God to be your strength. Read the Bible

Step 5 (take action) – Each time I feel unloved I will pray and change my perspective from self to God. I am loved so much by God that His love over fills me so that I can share Him with other. (on repeat today)

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