January 20, 2020
Thankfulness: Father, thank you for your everlasting love for me and your ways that are purposeful and intentional. You are in control of all things and are my safety in times of strife. Please give me the wisdom to know your will and the courage to walk in it. In Jesus name, Amen
Step 1 (Capture Thoughts) – Tiredness still fills me, but I’m seeing how much I need to lean on God in those times of fatigue. I am capable of way more than I believe and I need to lean into my weakness and break through it with God’s strength. I am learning to think a lot less about my body and food which feels freeing, to not be bogged down by thoughts of that, it’s allowing me to think more about God’s will instead of being distracted by thoughts of myself and my short comings. The negative thoughts about my body were also negative thoughts toward God and the way he created me – not only that but I’m learning that as I complain about my physical looks and weaknesses I am living in a selfish frame of mind. A self-destructive selfishness, but selfish none-the-less.
Step 2 (focused reflection) – Thinking I should be ‘doing’ more, “being more” is pride – the pride of thinking that I’m somehow in control and can do and be all things – that’s God’s job. I carry the world on my shoulders, but I really need to ‘do’ three things – Rest, Trust and laugh – There are millions of things to be thankful for and it’s past time that I live in a state of thankfulness instead of a state of complaining.
Step 3 (Journal) – I feel like I should always be doing and when I’m not I feel lazy. This new mind renewal has me feeling like I’m not doing much – but really I’m doing things right – I’m resting in God – I’m far from lazy, but as I learn to trust in Him the pressure leaves me and I can move joyfully vs. so serious and focused on do, do, do. It’s weird how much I think that anxiety and overwhelmed is suppose to be normal. Truth is, inner peace and joy is the normal that God has in store for me. Now, If I could just overcome the inner feelings of “you’re not enough” and “you’re not doing enough”
Step 4 (pray and listen) – Stop trying to measure worth on what I do. Worth is in my gentle and quiet spirit – in my trust in God for ALL things. Selfless serving – suspend self…
Step 5 (Active Reach) – Repeat scripture – let the meditation of my heart and the words of my mouth be pleasing to you, O God.
Additional Journal Entry –
Being at my Sales Kick off event from work has really shed some light on a few things. First, I love being around high thinking people – it inspires me and makes me not feel so alone. I have such deep thoughts and think so forward I feel like my brain isn’t similar to anyone – It’s not, but at the same time, I notice that I need to spend more time engaging in deep conversations. I get to a few times a week with two good friends of mine, but I need to make sure that this time is spent talking about change and growth and not about complaints.
Another thing I noticed is that I struggle with loads of negativity. I’d rather talk about solutions instead of complaints – So I need to create that environment by thinking and living that way.
I have good ideas, but I get discouraged too easily or fear takes over and I keep my ideas to myself – I need to remain confident and bold not concerned about other’s opinions of me or afraid to be wrong – it’s ok to be wrong, I need to be ok with weakness.
I like my company and job – I struggle with some of their decisions, but ultimately I like what we stand for.
Lastly, I want to be a better listener and ask better questions. Others focused more than self-focused.